How to Shepherd a Shepherd

There is a dangerous misconception in many churches today. When a leader begins wounding people through harshness, intimidation, control, or pride, we often assume we are dealing with a leadership problem. We begin searching for better leadership techniques, improved communication skills, personality assessments, executive coaching, or organizational restructuring. While each of those tools has value, none of them addresses the real issue.

Leadership problems are almost never leadership problems first. They are heart problems. Leadership simply gives those heart problems influence.

A proud man with little authority may wound his family. Give that same man authority over a church, and he may wound hundreds of people before anyone recognizes what is happening. The leadership did not create the sin. It merely amplified it. That is why Scripture consistently addresses the character of a shepherd before it addresses the competency of a shepherd. God is far more concerned with the kind of man leading His people than with the size of the ministry he builds. Competence without Christlikeness is never God’s definition of successful leadership.

One of the greatest difficulties in recognizing these problems is that they rarely appear all at once. They develop slowly. Almost imperceptibly. Like a small crack in a dam, they seem insignificant until enough pressure builds behind them. By the time everyone sees the damage, the pattern has usually existed for years.

That word—pattern—is one of the most important words in this entire discussion.
Wise shepherds do not make major judgments from isolated incidents. Everyone has difficult days. Every leader occasionally speaks too quickly, becomes frustrated, or handles a situation poorly. Those moments should be met with grace, not suspicion.

Patterns are different. Patterns reveal what isolated incidents cannot.

When the same concerns arise from multiple people over an extended period of time, wise elders should become curious. They should not become accusatory. Nor should they become dismissive. They should become curious. Why do unrelated people continue describing remarkably similar experiences? Why do the same words continue appearing? Why do capable, spiritually mature people quietly reach similar conclusions without influencing one another?

Patterns deserve investigation because patterns often reveal what individual events conceal. One of the reasons these situations become so difficult is that the people most responsible for addressing them are often the least likely to experience them personally.

Senior pastors usually see an executive pastor at his strongest. They watch him solve problems, make difficult decisions, carry heavy responsibility, and absorb enormous pressure. They see loyalty, diligence, productivity, and sacrifice. Staff members, however, often experience an entirely different side of the relationship. Volunteers experience another. Those who work most closely beneath the leader frequently see things that those above him never do.

That does not mean the staff is always right. Nor does it mean senior leadership is blind. It simply means they are observing different parts of the same man. That reality should produce humility on every side of the conversation.

One of the most helpful questions an elder board can ask is not, “Who is right?” but rather, “What are people consistently experiencing?” The goal is not to determine who tells the best story. The goal is to discover whether a biblical pattern is emerging.
There are several questions that can help.

Do people feel free to disagree with this leader without fearing retaliation?
Can they admit mistakes without becoming anxious?
Do meetings produce clarity and unity, or do they leave people emotionally exhausted?
When someone brings a different perspective, is it welcomed, tolerated, or quietly punished?
Do people become more open over time, or increasingly cautious?

Perhaps the most revealing question is this:
What happens when this leader is corrected?

Almost every leader can give correction. Far fewer can receive it.

Does he become defensive? Does he explain? Does he minimize? Does he quietly retaliate? Does he distance himself from the person who confronted him? Or does he listen carefully, ask thoughtful questions, and genuinely consider that he may have something to learn?

Scripture gives remarkable attention to this issue. Proverbs repeatedly distinguishes the wise man from the scoffer, not by how well each one teaches, but by how each one responds to correction. The wise man grows because he welcomes rebuke. The scoffer hardens because he resists it. That difference eventually shapes everything else.
It is also important to separate personality from sin. Strong personalities are not the problem. Sinful expressions of personality are. Confidence is not arrogance. Decisiveness is not domination. Directness is not harshness. High expectations are not intimidation. Strong leadership is not the enemy.

Sin is.

That distinction protects churches from making the opposite mistake. We should never attempt to weaken leaders simply because they possess strength. Scripture does not call shepherds to become passive. It calls them to become Christlike. This is also why personality assessments such as DISC should be viewed as helpful servants rather than authoritative masters. DISC can help us recognize behavioral tendencies and predictable temptations, but it cannot diagnose the human heart. Only Scripture does that. Personality may explain why a temptation feels natural. It never excuses yielding to it.

Ultimately, every elder board must remember that its responsibility extends beyond protecting doctrine. It must also protect people. The qualifications for elders in 1 Timothy 3, Titus 1, and 1 Peter 5 are striking because they focus far more on character than giftedness. God assumes leaders will possess varying abilities. What He requires is that they increasingly resemble His Son.

When those entrusted with oversight begin asking these kinds of questions early, unhealthy patterns can often be addressed while they are still small. Loving confrontation can lead to genuine repentance. Accountability can restore trust. A shepherd can be rescued before his sin becomes a stronghold, and a church can be protected before deep wounds are inflicted.

That is the goal.

Not exposing leaders. Not embarrassing pastors. Not winning arguments. Not proving someone wrong The goal is to shepherd the shepherd before the sheep are scattered.
Every elder should regularly ask one final question—not about another leader, but about himself:

“Is there any pattern in my own leadership that others can see more clearly than I can?”

That may be one of the most dangerous prayers a shepherd can pray. It is also one of the safest.

For the leaders most protected from becoming domineering are rarely those with the strongest personalities. They are the ones with the softest hearts—the men who continually invite Christ, His Word, and His people to reveal what they cannot yet see in themselves.

Part 1 and Part 3