“Better an open rebuke than love that is concealed. The wounds of a friend are faithful, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”
(Proverbs 27:5–6 BSB)
As we navigate the landscape of leadership together, I want to touch upon a principle found in Proverbs 27:5-6 that I believe is absolutely vital, particularly as we operate within a Level 2 (Permission) leadership framework.1 The verses state, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” This passage speaks volumes about the dynamics of influence, trust, and genuine care in any leadership context.
In Level 2 leadership, our authority is built upon the relationships we cultivate and the trust we earn. It’s a model that thrives on connection and mutual respect. Because of this, it can be incredibly tempting to shy away from delivering difficult truths. We see an area where an individual on our team, or perhaps even ourselves, needs to grow – a skill gap, a recurring behavioral issue, a mindset that’s hindering progress – and the instinct might be to avoid the discomfort. We might opt for what Proverbs calls “hidden love,” offering general encouragement or hoping the issue resolves itself. This, however, is a disservice. While it may preserve immediate comfort, it ultimately stunts growth and erodes the very trust we work so hard to build.
The power, and indeed the love, lies in “open rebuke.” This isn’t about harsh criticism or personal attacks. For me, when I’ve had to offer direct feedback, it has always stemmed from a deep conviction in another person’s potential and a genuine desire to see them excel. The “wounds from a friend” mentioned in the proverb are those that, though perhaps painful in the moment, are delivered with honest intent and lead to healing and strength. As leaders, our responsibility is to foster the growth and effectiveness of our team members and the individuals we guide. This often requires the courage to confront those areas that are holding them back, enabling them to better lead themselves and others.
Conversely, consider the “enemy who multiplies kisses.” In our leadership roles, this represents superficial praise, avoidance of necessary feedback, or a leader who prioritizes being liked over being effective. This kind of approach, while seemingly amicable, breeds stagnation. It creates an environment where mediocrity can flourish, and it undermines the trust that is the bedrock of our leadership. When others on a team see that a struggling member is not being addressed, or when they feel they are not receiving candid guidance themselves, it erodes their respect for the leader’s integrity and commitment to the team’s overall development. This is detrimental to everyone involved – the individual needing the truth, their colleagues, and the leader’s own credibility. This is not fair to the team, and eventually it will destroy both your effectiveness and theirs.
In fact, when we practice this ‘hidden love’ by withholding necessary feedback, we are inadvertently contributing to the demise of that team member’s potential and effectiveness. And crucially, by engaging in these ‘kisses,’ we are not only deceiving others but are actively contributing to the stagnation and potential demise of the very team member we might be trying to avoid upsetting.
The fear of delivering necessary truths is a significant hurdle, particularly in leadership styles that emphasize relationship (Level 2). We worry about damaging rapport. However, I’ve found that genuine, well-intentioned feedback, delivered with care and specificity, often strengthens relationships rather than weakening them. It signals that we are invested in the person’s long-term success, not just their immediate comfort. It shows we value their growth and are willing to do the sometimes-uncomfortable work required to facilitate it.
So, as you lead and guide others, I encourage you to reflect on where you might be practicing “hidden love” instead of “open rebuke.” Where can you offer that honest, constructive feedback, framed with genuine care and a commitment to growth? And conversely, how are you creating an environment where you and your team members can receive such truth? Let us embrace the courage to speak the truth in love, to be the trusted friends who offer the kind of “wounds” that lead to lasting strength and effectiveness. This is how we build strong teams, foster individual potential, and truly lead with integrity.
Much love always…
End Notes
1The Five Levels of Leadership framework referenced in this article was developed by John C. Maxwell and is presented in his book, The 5 Levels of Leadership: Proven Steps to Maximize Your Potential. The levels are Position, where people follow because they have to; Permission, where people follow because they want to; Production, where people follow because of what the leader has accomplished; People Development, where people follow because of what the leader has done for them; and Pinnacle, where people follow because of who the leader is and what he represents. Leaders do not leave the earlier levels behind as they grow. They continue practicing each one while building the relationships, results, and people-development skills required for the next.